With the myriad allegations, reports, and evidence of sexual
harassment and abuse of women, I wonder: Weren’t there men who knew what was
happening, yet did not protect women from harm?
In this modern age, some do not like to admit that a part of
man’s role in this world is to protect women. I don’t mind admitting it. I
trust the men in my life: my husband, my father, my brother, my male co-workers
and supervisors and other leaders to protect me. Does this make me a helpless
female like the ones in the old movies who faint, stumble on their high heels,
or need constant help to save themselves from certain death? No, it does not. I
still look out for myself, use my street smarts to guide me at times.
But I am a believer in the different roles God gave to men
and women. Although I don’t consider myself a froufrou woman, I do consider my
femininity at its strongest when held in contrast to a manly man.
I overheard a young dad explaining to his son “you are
stronger than your sister, use your muscles to protect her, not to overpower
her.” God gives strength to men to be used with the gift of self-control. There
is a time to throw a punch or use appearance of strength merely to intimidate.
When even one man uses his strength, power, or control to
harass or abuse, it is wrong. It is negative masculinity. Real masculinity is
the man who has all the strength and power and uses it appropriately and also
protects others from those who abuse.
When faced with a woman making an allegation, it appears in
many of these situations that they were assumed to be lying, redirected, or
ignored. Why? Why would an ongoing progression of choices among different
accusers about the same person experience the same result?
(1)
Sexual abuse is an uncomfortable subject. To
move even one step toward ascertaining truth, uncomfortable and embarrassing conversations
have to occur.
(2)
Allegations, even if proven untrue, can ruin
reputations and careers. This keeps those who are told from acting.
(3)
Protection from a potentially untrue allegation
is held in higher regard than protection of a victim.
This third point is perhaps the reason why such revelations
are not believed until they are undeniable. Then, victims come out of the
shadows and the real length and breadth of the damage done is seen.
In research, one must mitigate objections or weaknesses. Let’s
look at this situation and find a way to mitigate these situations.
(1)
Listen to victims; no matter how difficult; at
least listen
(2)
Listen to those accused. Give the accused an
opportunity to be heard too.
(3)
Protect both and get to the truth.
In many of these situations, victims, even after expressing
problems, are sent right back into the same situation where the abuse occurred with
no protection. Men, don’t let this happen. Protect the weak, vulnerable, and
abused, male or female. They need you. Those wrongfully accused will likely
fully cooperate in making it possible to protect. It could be a “red flag” when
the accused wants to continue behavior that gives them unsupervised access to a
victim.
We need manly men; men who will stand up to protect both and
search out the truth.
