There has been a lot of discussion in the media in recent days about protecting children in our churches from those who would do them harm. Many of these also apply to teenagers since there have been instances of adults taking advantage of teens who may have mature bodies but their brains are still in the maturing process.
1. Do a “quick drop-off” of your own children. It is best if parents or other adults do not hang around in preschool or children’s rooms. You are not readily identifiable to other parents and it is confusing to children as to who is “in charge.” For student ministry, please follow the direction of the leadership to keep students safe. Most ministry leaders would prefer a parent also volunteer in a particular job rather than just hang around for the reasons stated above. In my church, we have arranged classrooms by age so it makes this easier to keep adults in one area and children in another.
2. Follow the directions of leaders and security personnel. Sometimes we will ask people to enter or exit a particular door or to stay in certain portions of the building. We have rules against propping unwatched doors open. This helps us secure you better. Please don’t be offended by being given directions.
3. Keep your children with you who are not being supervised in an activity. Adults who have ulterior motives can figure out quickly who the children are who are not supervised.
4. Do not allow children into areas that are adults only. Most of these are marked but because resources and equipment are left in plain view, many children have difficulty using self-control (not opening candy, using supplies, or drawing on boards) and resources can be damaged or used up. Kitchens, closets, ice machines, office spaces, worship platforms, and sound booths are adults-only areas. Children should always be in visible public areas unless they are in the restroom.
5. Ask questions if you are unsure of any procedure or if any situation makes you uncomfortable. You may see something that others do not see. Don’t hesitate to speak up. Offer help if you see someone needs it.
6. Social media is a common method used for people to prey on children. If you have minors in your home, you have the right to monitor all their activity including having passwords, keeping cellphones with you at night, or taking it away. Adults who prey will instruct a child on how to hide their activity on phones or computers from their parents. Don’t think that it cannot happen to your child.
7. Be aware that adults who mistreat children look just like other adults. It is obvious to beware of the creepy looking guy on aisle 2, but be aware of anyone who has access to your child or teen.
8. Use proper words for body parts from a young age and explain which parts are off limits to other people. Often a child who has been abused does not have the vocabulary to communicate what has happened to them. As a teenagers, talking about boundaries with them empowers them to stand up for themselves. If they know the proper words and boundaries, they can communicate better and it gives them courage and confidence to speak up.
9. Keep communication lines open. I remember my mother giving me instructions to come home or call her immediately if I ever felt uncomfortable. This gave me the courage to get out of several sticky situations that I found myself in through the years.
10. Keep everything open and in view. Older church buildings were not built with this in mind and it can be hard to see into all the children’s areas. Add reverse peepholes in solid doors, uncover or add windows, and leave doors open if there is no way to see inside. Parents, please get someone to check on your children for you. When you look in the door or your face appears in the window, a child who was happily playing may burst into tears at seeing their parent’s face or think it is time to go home with you.
This is not a fun subject for discussion. I’m convinced that abuse that we are just now seeing uncovered was partially as a result of us as parents not warning our children or recognizing behavior that should concern us. Remember that victims deserve just as much protection as we offer to those accused. Both sides should be heard and investigated by those trained to do so.
